Toxic friends are not so easy to recognize, because they can skillfully mask their true feelings and motives for actions. However, true friends can become closer to you than family: you can always rely on them, they understand you perfectly. If you feel like hanging out with certain people often brings negative emotions to you, you may have toxic friends who do not really respect you. What are these signs that will help you detect a friend that does not respect you? You are about to find out.
What Are the Signs that Your Friend Does Not Respect You?
- You don’t feel friendly support from them.
Toxic friends often talk only about themselves, not interested in your business. When they feel bad, they expect help from you, but when you feel bad, they are in no hurry to provide support. Their problems are always more important than yours. If you feel that you are giving more than you are receiving, it is better to end the relationship.
In a normal friendship, friends support each other equally. Nobody pulls the blanket over themselves. A true friend will always listen to you and try to help.
- Disrespectful friends do not make compromises.
Think about whether your friend has ever agreed to compromise. The ability to compromise is very important in any relationship. Your friend must be willing to agree with you sometimes, and this also applies to you. Otherwise, one day you will feel that you are doing all the time the way your friend wants (regardless of your desires).
In a normal relationship, friends are willing to compromise on things that relate to taste. For example, you may agree to watch a movie that you are not very interested in, but then go to eat at your favorite cafe.
If a friend treats you without respect, he will do as they want. If you want to refuse or offer to compromise, they will just start swearing at you until they get their way. This is a sign that your friend is a user.
- Disrespectful friends do not take “no” for an answer.
Sometimes we cannot help our friends because we simply do not have such an opportunity. If a person is offended by the refusal to fulfill a certain request and accuses you of selfishness, this may mean that they are communicating with you only for personal gain. Good friends are sympathetic to these situations and do not require sacrifice from you.
- Disrespectful friends are not happy about your achievements.
The most pleasant thing in friendship is to celebrate successes and happy events together. However, toxic friends think differently: for them, friendship is always a competition. Your success does not make them happy, it only annoys them. They are jealous of your achievements and sometimes they don’t even try to hide it.
“A good friend is someone who is always happy about your success. Toxic friends are usually jealous of your luck and cannot share your joy with you, ”says Deborah Olson, a professional consultant currently writing a book on female friendship.
- Disrespectful friends exhaust you.
Friendships shouldn’t turn into an emotional roller coaster. If the mood of your friends can change dramatically during the day, and these changes negatively affect you, it is worth considering whether you need such a friendship at all. True friends usually try to cheer each other up, their communication is based on mutual support. If communicating with a certain person is exhausting you, chances are it’s a toxic friend.
- They don’t respect your boundaries
Surely there are situations when you do not want to do something: go to the movies for a horror movie, drink alcohol at a party, or tell the details of your personal life. A good friend will never push you and will respect the boundaries you set. A toxic friend, on the other hand, tries to force you to give up your principles and meet his desires. Try to recognize this behavior in time so as not to become a victim of manipulation.
- You feel like they can’t be trusted.
Toxic friends can betray you for their own benefit. Such people perceive friendships as competition, therefore, without a twinge of conscience, they can discuss you behind your back and even tell strangers about your personal life.
“True friends keep our secrets and are true to their role as our confidant,” says Deborah Olson. “Toxic friends behave differently, and the result is a sense of betrayal.” If you think that someone is spreading rumors about you, this is an excuse to revise your friend’s list.
How to Deal with Someone Who Doesn’t Respect You?
If someone does not respect you and is toxic, you need to follow some rules. Here are 11 brilliant tips that will help you to deal with someone who does not respect you:
- Trust your feelings.
It happens that a toxic person can not be immediately distinguished. However, if you feel exhausted and unhappy again and again after interacting with someone, do not be fooled: the sooner you recognize toxicity, the better for you.
- Be clear about your boundaries.
The favorite pastime of a toxic person is to violate the personal space of the interlocutor and “press” on him with his emotions. This attitude cannot be tolerated, so drop politeness and clearly define the boundaries of what is acceptable.
- Be discreet.
It is difficult but possible. The fact is that a toxic person loves to drag the interlocutor into a funnel of negative emotions – if you fall for his provocation and respond with negative to negative, then you yourself will not notice how you lose your inner balance.
- Take control of the conversation.
Toxic people are notorious manipulators. However, you should never let them manipulate you. Therefore, it is worth learning how to quickly take control of a conversation. This is not as difficult to do as it seems: for example, you can simply deftly change the topic of conversation and thereby “cool” the ardor of the interlocutor.
- Think that you are talking about yourself.
Toxic people are often overly outspoken – this is one of their tricks to “rub” into your trust. It’s normal that you want to share personal information about yourself as well. But you can’t do this – everything is like in the police: any word can then be used against you.
- Don’t be afraid to be straightforward.
If you are humble, shy, or extremely well-mannered, then toxic people will most likely stick to you all their lives. Exactly because they know that you are not their rival. Straightforwardness is the best weapon to defend against toxic people: clearly articulating their position often scares them.
- Consider an escape plan.
Lying is not good, but in the process of a dialogue with a toxic person, do not hesitate to come up with some excuse why you cannot continue the conversation further or provide an unthinkable service. The more convincing your deception is, the better – it will help to maintain the relationship with the person, and not seem too hard-hearted.
- Don’t expect the person to change.
When a toxic person is your relative, it is not easy to get away from communication. However, it is always easier to build a dialogue if you clearly understand: he is unlikely to ever behave differently. Therefore, do not expect changes from him, do not expect that he will understand everything and repent.
- Think about your weaknesses.
Dealing with a toxic person can even be beneficial to you if you get it right. Think about why such people consider it possible to manipulate you? What are your weaknesses that are so attractive to them? Most likely, the reason lies in the fact that you do not know how to build personal boundaries and appreciate yourself and your work. Realizing this, try to correct your attitude towards yourself, and then there will definitely be less toxic people in your life.
- Don’t take on unnecessary responsibility, but remember to empathize.
An important point: do not forget that toxic people, as a rule, not only make others very unhappy, but they themselves are not very happy about life. They may have real problems and reasons that made them so. Therefore, it is quite logical that they want to help. However, always pull yourself back if you suddenly decide to try on the role of Superman and “save” a person from himself. Most likely, this overconfidence will end badly – for you and for the toxic person.
- Praise yourself.
When it comes to a toxic person, with whom you cannot avoid communication – for example, he is your close relative or your boss – it is very important to at least somehow reward yourself for such suffering. If you managed not to slip into a conflict and not switch to insults as a result of dialogue, just praise yourself for endurance and patience – this is really very important.